I'm startin with the [wo]man in the mirror

This year I sat down and thought about what were two aspects of my life that were not only unproductive for my personal growth and development of character but were also dishonoring to the Lord's plan for my life and His plan to grow me.

Both of these strike at the heart of "Comparison is the thief of all joy".

1) Gossip. Gossip just cuts and divides us all quicker than swords. No one escapes it but everyone can choose to not partake in it. Gossip is a particular weakness of mine. I love to "be in the know" and hear everything about everyone else. In way, I think, I find it validating. I feel important because I know about the mishaps and mistakes of my friends and extended friend group and cover up my flaws with the knowledge of other's. Every time I give in and divulge an "ugly" thought about someone else I had or repeat a  negative thought that shared with in....I have to think of and say three, sincere, kind things about that individual. 

2) Facebook. I deactivated until Easter. I am hoping that this "disconnection" will enable me to cherish and value the people that are in my life on a daily basis and love them more.  I also hope that I will spend the time I gain from not being on facebook on things that are productive and beneficial. 

disclaimer. shoes are fun.

Shoes. Some people come with baggage. I come with shoes. And I like them displayed and out in the open where I can see them all. What's the point in having them if you keep them hidden away in your closet? Right now they are all over our book shelves in the upstairs hall way, in a basket by the door, in another basket on the stairs, lining the stairs, in a hanging shoe case in the closet, in another hang shoe case nailed to the back of my closet wall, and kicked off in various locations through out our house. Not to mention that my summer shoes are at home at my parent’s house. I imagine that the lucky man that I eventually may marry one day may not enjoy having little, sometimes ridiculous looking, shoes scattered all over the place. Oh well, I view them as an adorable extension of my personality and their presence is nonnegotiable.  The basket by the door and by the stairs are my attempt to consolidate them together in a limited number of locations. They are hazard because even I trip over them. But I love them. When I get a new pair I just cannot wait to wear them. Sometimes I cook in new shoes if I get impatient waiting for the right occasion. Sometimes I dance in my living room with them on. Just breaking them in, you know? 

High of 75

Dear High of 75, you may just be my absolutely favorite temperature. I was so excited when you were declared the high of today. Maybe it's the Relient K song and all the memories that make it so great. This song inspired a game for me in high school that involved picking different activities to correspond to different ranges of temperatures for the next day without checking the weather forecast. Sometimes temperatures between 50 and 60 degrees would result in studying. Temperatures between 60 and 70 would result in studying outside. Temperatures in the 70's involved no studying only pure silliness and fun. Free periods are definitely top five on list of favorite things from high school.

set fire to the rain

Dear UPSP, You realize that I was waiting for an important letter all weekend but Pope St. has failed to receive mail since last wednesday? It's okay. You have 2 more days before I show up.  3 phone calls should suffice.  Dear Friday Night, I'm picking out which dress I'm going to wear right now instead of studying.  Please be warm.  I'm ready for sundresses. Dear Mallory, Thank you for accompanying me to lunch today. I so enjoyed it! You're always a dear to catch up with!  Dear Gluten Free Goodness in the form of Chocolate Chip Cookies,  I'm speechless. Later I'll probably be sick from the quantity of you I consumed.  Worth it. Dear four walls of currently empty house, when it's just you and me.....You know how I love to blast TSwift and KClarkson and dance around barefoot.  I am so thankful you, four walls, cannot talk, recall, remember, tweet, instagram, flipvideo, or share.  My silly dance moves tonight are for your eyes only.

Turns out....I don't like gifts?!

I was encouraged to take a cool online quiz today about discovering your primary "Love Language".

Turns out, I like Words of Affirmation and Quality Time.

And I showed absolutely zero preference for "Receiving Gifts". Which makes me laugh because I've been quite upset/annoyed about receiving things I really did not like before. Perhaps people are better off just never giving me things.

Except for giving me compliments. Apparently, I just thrive off being told how people feel about me and I do not respond well to not hearing these and I'm perhaps quite insensitive to acts of service, touch, and gifts.

Maybe this is because I can hardly ever come up with material things I want. For every gift giving occasion, I have to run to the internet, or pinterest for suggestions. I cannot remember the last Christmas or birthday that I did not google "best gift ideas for girls".

Go ahead, Learn something new about yourself today.
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/

Basically, This quiz is trying to tell me I make a really cheap friend. Perhaps if the quiz listed options about people giving you food, snacks, or gummy candies....that would be my love language.

Admit it.

Admit it, the first you did when you got your macbook was turn on all the camera settings and take 100 pictures of yourself making faces. 

cause you're dead wrong.

Dear giant, purple, black, and yellow lump of a bruise on my thigh, you're thankfully slowly fading but you make me smile because I love the days when I'm rushing around too busy to notice sharp, edges jutting out.  Dear plastic cup that sat in our shower for at least a month or two holding our razors, sweet marie absentmindedly washed you and put you back in the cabinet. So hilarious that she's the one that decided to drink out of you today. I'm still chuckling.  Dear Ru Sans Dollar Sushi Pieces, I'm been thinking about you nonstop between the hours of 2pm and 4 pm everyday. You were also the perfect place for dinner on valentine's day. I seriously love cheap, simple food. But gluten free and dairy free still though, let's not try to pretend I'm that low maintenance.  Dear Upstairs Bourbon Street, you make me feel like a child every time. You have no idea how much I secretly love you. I get so excited anytime someone suggests you. I will always be content to climb up on a booth, sing and solo dance my heart out.  Dear Ava and Ashley, you two are incredible but I just want to reiterate that the men at chick-fil-a are basically paid to flirt with us. But sure, let's pretend there's really nothing they'd rather be doing than refilling our arnold palmers. They certainly good do a swell job of convincing us.  Dear rainy Sunday afternoon, I spend you blissfully curled back up in bed under all my blankets and pillows.  Dear Mackenzie, I am so incredible proud of you for being selected for your scholarship. I think you are remarkable, and I promise that's not just because we share the same DNA.  Dear nameless walker's barista, You told you could make my vanilla chai latte anyway I wanted. that you could even make it with whiskey. 

love story- starting over

Tonight, I crawled up into my bed and scrolled through my twitter feed until I stumbled upon a tweet that spoke straight to my heart.   I reread it a few times before searching for page to write it down upon.  I clicked straight through to rest of this individual's tweets and just sat dumbfounded at the wrenching of my heart.  The scripture, the quotes of Christ's love for humanity, the truth, the mercy, the joy, and the compassion just broke into my little hardened heart.

For so long I wanted to be strong, to be tough, to be unbreakable.  I grew tired of being criticized for being too directionless, not ambitious enough,  and without the same mind set.  The part of me, so eager to please, wanted to grow into a lady who never wavered under the judgement of others.  With this intention, I ceased to remember what it felt like to know that "[His] grace is sufficient for [me], for [His] power is made perfect in weakness".

In my search for a scrap of paper I found a journal that was given to me by one of my neighbor's after my dad's funeral.  I tucked his funeral bulletin in the journal and stuck it deep inside my closet and never wanted to open it or look at it again.  Having completely forgotten this, I stretched up onto my tip-toes and jumped to grab the still vacant journal.

With my heart racing, I started whispering out loud to the Lord.  With my new journal and with my brand new bible, I googled: How to start reading the Bible.  I realized in a way, I was starting over.  I was starting fresh.  He waiting for me while I was hurting and skeptical.

Also, inside the journal, I found a book mark tucked inside addressed to me, " And they remembered that God was their rock. And the Most High God their redeemer" - Psalm 78:35

Dear 4:00 p.m. lunch, we may have been the only people in there but I think that made it even more fun. It's great to be different.

I really love my life.

Dear Surili

Dear Surili, Thank you for your continued patience, fierce loyalty, continued support, sincere enthusiasm, and loving warmth. You are living half way across the world and still make the time to pour out love to me. You are such a remarkable individual and have touched my life in so many ways. Sometimes I start to rethink some of my decisions or debate going back down a path I know is futile and I laugh and refrain because I know that I'd just have to explain myself to you. Thank you for holding me accountable but nonetheless loving me all the same. I am so blessed with our friendship. Hyderabad, India is lucky to have you. I am hoping to have enough money and time to come visit this summer.

letter of the day

Dear Last Night, You were incredible. I laughed so hard that I cried and my stomach muscles started to hurt. Dear morning breakfast of pancakes, you tasted a lot like cake. Luckily, the grapefruit saved the dignity of my feeble attempt to eat healthier breakfasts. Dear freezing cold tennis, you were so much fun. My backhand needs some work and my fingers still feel a little stiff from the cold but 100% worth it. Dear 4:00 p.m. lunch at Aqua Linda, I totally thought you were clean enough. Don't listen to Ava or Jett. Dear Accidentals In Concert, I will be seeing you gentlemen quite soon. I am so excited.

Dear Bright Neon Orange Tennis Skirt, Tomorrow, you are mine. Get ready. We will be having some quality time together. Dear Professional Sales Exam, Prepare to be dominated. Although, I have spent much more time avoiding studying for you than actually studying.

 One of our new friends 

 The Tree that Owns Itself

 Auburn Game with one of my future roomies 

 Alumni Night at the Bookstore 

Mackenzie and Me 

letter of the day

Dear The Fray, I am rapidly falling in love with Scars and Stories. I love hearing the stories behind scar tissue. Dear Chick-Fil-A, BOGO with friends was so great today. Grilled chicken nuggets? You're speaking directly to my little gluten-free heart. Dear Bethany, Thank you for putting up with me while studying and allowing me to interrupt the silence every 10 minutes to share my sporadic thoughts and sentiments. Dear Sunrise, You were delightful this morning and a blessed start to a wonderful day. Dear Amazon Customer Service, My kindle is broken and has lines across the screen. You will be hearing from me tomorrow. Please be kind to me. I get attached to characters in the books I read. I'd like to once again be able to carry them around in my purse.

Harry Potter

These are some facts that J.K.Rowling let slip in numerous interviews. Facts that tell us what all happened nineteen years later… ~ Azkaban no longer uses Dementors as guardians. ~George Weasley married Angelina Johnson and had 2 children named Fred and Roxanne. ~Harry made sure that the Wizarding world knew that Snape was a hero and on Dumbledore’s side. ~Slytherin House became more diluted and was no longer solely pureblood; however its dark reputation lingers. ~Harry lost the ability to speak Parseltongue. ~Umbridge was arrested, interrogated and imprisoned for crimes against Muggleborns. ~The Resurrection Stone is now buried in the Forbidden Forest after being pressed into the ground by a centaur’s hoof. ~ Voldemort’s curse on the DADA position at Hogwarts has been lifted. ~Viktor Krum fell in love with a woman back home in Bulgaria. ~The Death Eater’s Dark Marks eventually faded to look like a scar. It will no longer burn or hurt. ~ The Quibbler is back to publishing articles about the lunatic fringe & is appreciated for its unintentional humour. ~Members of the DA still have their coins, as they are like badges of honor. ~Neville Longbottom worked as an Auror before moving on as the Herbology professor at Hogwarts. ~The remaining Death Eaters were killed or imprisoned in Azkaban for their crimes, with the exception of the Malfoys. ~Luna Lovegood married the grandson of the Newt Scamander, author of ‘Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them’ ~Firenze survived his wounds and was welcomed back into the Centaur herd. ~Harry will never become Headmaster of Hogwarts since an academic career just isn’t him. ~Hagrid was still working at Hogwarts by 2017, at 88 years old. ~Draco Malfoy really cares about his son, Scorpius Malfoy. He is growing him up to be a better person than he was. ~Centaurs realized that “pro-human leanings were not shameful. ~Draco and Harry never became friends, but they did come to understand and appreciate each other better. ~Hermione tells Scrimgeour that she is not planning to embark on a career in Magical Law. Ironically, that’s where she ends up. ~After his death, Voldemort is forced to exist in the stunted infant-like form that Harry sees in the King’s Cross-like Limbo. ~Harry would take his family to visit Dudley’s when they were in the neighbourhood (occasions dreaded by James, Albus and Lily). ~Aberforth is still at the Hog’s Head “playing with his goats”. ~The number of Dementors have been greatly diminished because despair and degradation have been lessened in the world. ~Arthur Weasley fixed Sirius’ motorbike and gave it to Harry. ~Nineteen years after the Battle of Hogwarts, the school for witchcraft and wizardry is led by an entirely new headmaster (“McGonagall was really getting on a bit”) as well as a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. That position is now as safe as the other teaching posts at Hogwarts, since Voldemort’s death broke the jinx that kept a Defense Against the Dark Arts professor from remaining for more than a year. ~Hagrid never married, although he had a relationship with a giantess. ~Kingsley Shacklebolt became the Minister of Magic after the Second Wizarding War. ~Harry will not train to be an animagus; his “energies are going to be concentrated elsewhere and he’s not going to have time to do that. ~Audrey Weasley is wife of Percy Weasley, and they both have 2 daughters, Molly and Lucy. ~In the aftermath of the war, the Order was disbanded once and for all. ~Luna has twin boys named Lorcan and Lysander with Rolf Scamander.and apparently travels the world, looking for mad creatures. ~Hermione advanced the rights of magical creatures & eradicated the old pro-pure-blood laws in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. ~The head of the Auror Office as of 2007 is Harry Potter. ~Lavender Brown was attacked by Fenrir Greyback. Hermione saved her but she was already injured. What happened to her later on was never really told. ~Neville Longbottom’s students were impressed when he showed them his Dumbledore’s Army’s Coin. ~Harry, Ron and Neville didn’t return to Hogwarts for their 7th year. They went straight to get training as aurors and Neville went to work as an auror before becoming a Professor. ~Harry sometimes visits Hogwarts to give talks on DADA. ~Hermione is James’ godmother. ~Hermione Granger was the only member of the trio who returned to Hogwarts to complete their seventh year. ~Ron worked with George in WWW for some time and then became an Auror. ~Ginny became a professional Quidditch player for the Holyhead Harpies and become the senior Quidditch correspondent for the Daily Prophet. ~After the war, Hermione found her parents in Australia and restored their memories.

letter

Dear Marie, Thank you for the best run this afternoon. Dear all perishable items in our fridge, Thanks for you coming all together for a hodgepodge of a meal. Dear nike running shorts, You're the best. I wish I had more of you. Dear Ellis, I am so excited about our upcoming bike ride. Dear laundry, I actually really enjoy folding you.

Wednesday

Dear Daryan, Thank you for being on the receiving end of my lame joke this morning. I am still excited about you coming home and finding that giant red box made up under your covers. Dear Tervis Tumblers, You're expensive but completely worth it. My coffee is still hot. Dear Cowgirl Boots, I don't know what I'd wear on my feet without you. Dear Rachel McAdams, I aspire to be as adorable when I laugh and giggle as you. Dear Cognitive Neuroscience, Thank you for letting me drop one of my exams. #LifeSaver

Something New

Dear Ava, thank you for role playing with me today so I could practice sharing my thoughts. Dear Jittery Joe's coffee you are extremely delicious. Nothing from my coffee maker ever comes close to tasting like you. Dear monogrammed stationary you make me feel so feminine, classy, and full of interesting things to say and share. Dear Tuesday afternoon meetings, thank you for your members and their sweet faces. Dear coconut, I forgive the false advertising for simply cutting off the top and inserting a straw to drink sweet, delicious juice. I did really enjoy sawing you to pieces and then throwing you repeatedly down on the concrete. All stress from today day is completely gone and I managed to salvage about three tablespoons of juice. Dear buy-logy book, you make me so thankful to me a marketing & psychology major. You're absolutely fascinating and inspiring me to study and work harder.