Every Spring it rains on the last Saturday in March. It's rained for as long as I can remember. Maybe once or twice in the past 12 years the rain skipped over Athens.
If you ask me my favorite spot on campus I'd tell you it's the coliseum. But it has absolutely nothing to do with UGA, gymnastics, or basketball. Every year since 5th grade I've spent the year learning new dances, new people, new ways to write a thank you letter, how to properly conduct myself in all social settings ( But the truly polished behave the same way all the time...that includes using a fork, knife, and napkin for even the home alone meals) and essentially how to grow one year older.
I hardly ever drive by the coliseum but the moment I do the nostalgia sets in. I flashback through the years, the 5th grade girl that could hardly wait, the sixth grader that accidently ended up with the exact same dress was one of her friends, the 7th grader that felt more elegant and poised, the 8th grader that couldn't care less about being elegant and couldn't care more about her first boyfriend that she met in Cotillion Club, 9th grade, 10th grade, 11th grade, 12th grade and onward through the first three years of college.
Each year stands out like a snapshot of who I was and how much I grew each year. With each new dress I had a new philosophy on life. I love how during childhood you never stop dreaming. You can wake up in the morning and decide you want to be someone new and no one is there to stop you. You have the rest of your life ahead of you and the world is literally yours. I never want to loose that ideology.
Tonight was also hard. Past 7th grade I never wanted my dad to come. I never wanted to do the father-daughter dance with him. He failed to live up to my expectations and for that I wanted to punish him. I did want him to be part of my life. Every year though I'd still walk out on the dance floor and search the crowd. I'd be torn between not wanting him there and still wanting him to come regardless just because he loved me..
I don't know how to wrap this blog post up and I'll probably delete it later anyways. But tonight was one of those moments when it really hit. He really is gone.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
the less!
So excited. One of my favorite bands from high school is coming to Athens to play the 40 watt this wednesday night!
I have a stat exam that shouldn't the entire time but who is down to go afterwards?!?! Emily Hearn is opening for them at 8:30
Plus, the less is giving away copies of their new cd. Their new album is called "lights"
so excited.
I have a stat exam that shouldn't the entire time but who is down to go afterwards?!?! Emily Hearn is opening for them at 8:30
Plus, the less is giving away copies of their new cd. Their new album is called "lights"
so excited.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
His love for me
Usually, I whole heartedly believe in not sharing much of one's personal life on the internet. I feel like my world, my comfortable, logically, closely regulated world has been shaken up and flung all about in disarray. I worked so hard to compartmentalize, organize, mentally redefine, and selectively choose what parts of life I wanted to acknowledge. The rest of it I wanted to push far, far away. I wanted to never analyze it again. I never wanted to look back. I thought that's how you handled the messy parts of life. I thought to be free you adopted a "no regrets" country song of "I've got my rearview mirror torn off and I'm never looking back" type of ideology.
I was so wrong. Life is about looking back and facing those things that keep you up at night and embracing our Lord and Savior because he's magnificent enough to outshine even the darkest of places.
I'm exhausted.
I've learned so much this week. I'm been overwhelmed with love from friends and family. It's almost crazy to me to think about how selfless and how incredible so many of my friends are. I've always heard the expression that in times of need you find out who your real friends are. I always thought it was a sort of sarcastic, disappointed, negative statement implying that people just don't show up. Or that they disappear when times are rough and you're at your worse. Some sort of a warning to not put too much faith and hope into others. It has been completely the opposite.
I will never be able to forget how people showed up in my time of need. My love for my friends and their relationships with the Lord has been deepened this week in a way I could not have imagined before. It is a wonderful thing to really see the hearts of your friends. To have them accept you fully for who you are regardless of how difficult times are for you. It's my natural tendency to push people away when I'm hurting and struggling. I have some innate desire to do things on my own and just stubbornly struggle through them. Instead of people just going away, they patiently waited and just tried again until I was ready to talk.
In spite of everything else, I am so thankful and I feel like the encouragement and support I received this week is in a way- a small glimpse of heaven and how the Father loves us. How he is continuously concerned, persistent, and doesn't give up on us. He has truly placed certain people in my life to witness to me through their love for me His love for me.
My heart sings. It is a slow, soft song but a song nevertheless. A song meant for Him. A song of gratitude, astonishment, and a slight awareness of what love really looks like.
I was so wrong. Life is about looking back and facing those things that keep you up at night and embracing our Lord and Savior because he's magnificent enough to outshine even the darkest of places.
I'm exhausted.
I've learned so much this week. I'm been overwhelmed with love from friends and family. It's almost crazy to me to think about how selfless and how incredible so many of my friends are. I've always heard the expression that in times of need you find out who your real friends are. I always thought it was a sort of sarcastic, disappointed, negative statement implying that people just don't show up. Or that they disappear when times are rough and you're at your worse. Some sort of a warning to not put too much faith and hope into others. It has been completely the opposite.
I will never be able to forget how people showed up in my time of need. My love for my friends and their relationships with the Lord has been deepened this week in a way I could not have imagined before. It is a wonderful thing to really see the hearts of your friends. To have them accept you fully for who you are regardless of how difficult times are for you. It's my natural tendency to push people away when I'm hurting and struggling. I have some innate desire to do things on my own and just stubbornly struggle through them. Instead of people just going away, they patiently waited and just tried again until I was ready to talk.
In spite of everything else, I am so thankful and I feel like the encouragement and support I received this week is in a way- a small glimpse of heaven and how the Father loves us. How he is continuously concerned, persistent, and doesn't give up on us. He has truly placed certain people in my life to witness to me through their love for me His love for me.
My heart sings. It is a slow, soft song but a song nevertheless. A song meant for Him. A song of gratitude, astonishment, and a slight awareness of what love really looks like.
today.
Today felt surreal.
I cannot sleep.
Since we're replacing the cabinets and counter tops in my kitchen this summer I think it's a reasonable to want to splatter paint them all.
this entire week has just been one step and one day at a time.
it's unbelievable how many times I've listening to sparks fly tonight
all those ridiculous shoes that I own and could potentially snap my ankles in half, well I want to wear them. I want to strap them on with my over sized button downs, athletic shorts and just wear them around.
i also don't want to pack anything practical for spring break. because I don't want to be practical. how adventurous would it be to let someone else pack your bags for you. you just go with what you have.
funerals are just ........ <--- insert word because I can't.
I'm not studying. I should be. I'm mostly just starring at the screen.
I cannot sleep.
Since we're replacing the cabinets and counter tops in my kitchen this summer I think it's a reasonable to want to splatter paint them all.
this entire week has just been one step and one day at a time.
it's unbelievable how many times I've listening to sparks fly tonight
all those ridiculous shoes that I own and could potentially snap my ankles in half, well I want to wear them. I want to strap them on with my over sized button downs, athletic shorts and just wear them around.
i also don't want to pack anything practical for spring break. because I don't want to be practical. how adventurous would it be to let someone else pack your bags for you. you just go with what you have.
funerals are just ........ <--- insert word because I can't.
I'm not studying. I should be. I'm mostly just starring at the screen.
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