Saturday, April 30, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Psalm 34:18
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those are crushed in spirit- Psalm 34:18
Maybe there is something beautiful about feeling broken. Maybe it's the only way I feel defeated enough to lay down my pride, my weapons, my desires, and my stubbornness to seek Him. I have had such a difficult time spending time with my Lord lately. My relationship with Him does not differ much from my earthly relationships in the way that I run. I do not understand His mercy. I do not understand His grace.
I pray that he'll lead me home back to Him somehow. I pray that He'll never leave me nor abandon me.
God, I'm asking you to fight for me. To fight hard for me. You are all that I want. I just don't know how to get there. I do not know how to pursue a relationship with you. I grow weary, restless, and full of doubt. I know that it won't be a quick fix. I am so broken. My spirit is crushed and I accept that this may be Your way to speaking to me. Every time I'm reminded and the hurt comes rushing in, I feel that you're there.
Please stay there.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
It's time
It's that time of the year....the one where we all feel so overwhelmed that we could eat an entire box of icecream or bag of potato chips....the time of the year where we suddenly become immensely aware of every little detail of our lives such a hangnail, something someone said to you yesterday, the lady making your burrito that may have given you less chicken than normal...
All in an attempt to avoid studying for exams. Aside from being Queen of Passiveagressivia, I am also Queen of Procrasta, the Nation.
I'm refusing to be reduced to tears the night before an 8am finals.
No, no, no, no, and more no to the following behaviors
- Painting my nails at 2am
- Red Bull and Monster Energy Drinks after not sleeping for more than 3 hours
- Analyzing every friendship/relationship I've ever had and discussing it with strangers at Jittery Joes (This one really does take up an excessive amount of time...apparently there's tons more people that also decide finals week is the time to reflect over their relationship with their 2nd grade school teacher and determine if she actually had a grudge against you)
- Tanning at TownClub pool while "reading my notes" ( I reason that Vitamin D makes me happy and that it helps me study if I'm happy, regardless this is extremely inefficient)
- Group Studying- Unless your name is Kally Woo- You are not someone I can group "study" with. Listening to what you also don't understand isn't going to help me.
- Cooking lavish meals- Once I get tired of reading, writing, and MEMORIZING I remind myself that I need food to survive and I also need a lot of it. So I pull out my cook book and regardless of whatever am hour it is...I decide I'm going to cook myself something delicious. Very time consuming.
-Reading for pleasure- Inevitably I always get hooked on some new book that I cannot put down right in the middle of finals. Right now, I'm packing up ALL distractions in my room. All books, papers, journals, kindles, etc. are going in the closet.
Actually, posting and analyzing my poor studying behavior in an attempt to recognize and avoid is probably just more of an avoiding tactic.
I'm stopping.
Cleaning.
Packing up.
And heading to the library.
All in an attempt to avoid studying for exams. Aside from being Queen of Passiveagressivia, I am also Queen of Procrasta, the Nation.
I'm refusing to be reduced to tears the night before an 8am finals.
No, no, no, no, and more no to the following behaviors
- Painting my nails at 2am
- Red Bull and Monster Energy Drinks after not sleeping for more than 3 hours
- Analyzing every friendship/relationship I've ever had and discussing it with strangers at Jittery Joes (This one really does take up an excessive amount of time...apparently there's tons more people that also decide finals week is the time to reflect over their relationship with their 2nd grade school teacher and determine if she actually had a grudge against you)
- Tanning at TownClub pool while "reading my notes" ( I reason that Vitamin D makes me happy and that it helps me study if I'm happy, regardless this is extremely inefficient)
- Group Studying- Unless your name is Kally Woo- You are not someone I can group "study" with. Listening to what you also don't understand isn't going to help me.
- Cooking lavish meals- Once I get tired of reading, writing, and MEMORIZING I remind myself that I need food to survive and I also need a lot of it. So I pull out my cook book and regardless of whatever am hour it is...I decide I'm going to cook myself something delicious. Very time consuming.
-Reading for pleasure- Inevitably I always get hooked on some new book that I cannot put down right in the middle of finals. Right now, I'm packing up ALL distractions in my room. All books, papers, journals, kindles, etc. are going in the closet.
Actually, posting and analyzing my poor studying behavior in an attempt to recognize and avoid is probably just more of an avoiding tactic.
I'm stopping.
Cleaning.
Packing up.
And heading to the library.
Monday, April 18, 2011
This is going to be an amazing summer.
I'm so excited. I'm about to start making a list for the summer. Wonderful, new, adventurous things to do.
I wish I had this porch. I would spend all morning, afternoon, and evening out here reading.
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I wish I had this porch. I would spend all morning, afternoon, and evening out here reading.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
tomorrow
I'm excited to go to sleep right now. Tomorrow is going to be a special day. I can just feel it.
It's only shortly after midnight. All my work for the night is done. I'm already curled up in bed- with my electric blanket on- of course- (Does anyone else find it impossible to sleep if it's even slightly cold?) It's just one of those nights where I am so thankful and happy to just sit here by myself and read.
I've gotten to the point where I cannot go to sleep without reading a few pages first.
It's only shortly after midnight. All my work for the night is done. I'm already curled up in bed- with my electric blanket on- of course- (Does anyone else find it impossible to sleep if it's even slightly cold?) It's just one of those nights where I am so thankful and happy to just sit here by myself and read.
I've gotten to the point where I cannot go to sleep without reading a few pages first.
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