love story- starting over

Tonight, I crawled up into my bed and scrolled through my twitter feed until I stumbled upon a tweet that spoke straight to my heart.   I reread it a few times before searching for page to write it down upon.  I clicked straight through to rest of this individual's tweets and just sat dumbfounded at the wrenching of my heart.  The scripture, the quotes of Christ's love for humanity, the truth, the mercy, the joy, and the compassion just broke into my little hardened heart.

For so long I wanted to be strong, to be tough, to be unbreakable.  I grew tired of being criticized for being too directionless, not ambitious enough,  and without the same mind set.  The part of me, so eager to please, wanted to grow into a lady who never wavered under the judgement of others.  With this intention, I ceased to remember what it felt like to know that "[His] grace is sufficient for [me], for [His] power is made perfect in weakness".

In my search for a scrap of paper I found a journal that was given to me by one of my neighbor's after my dad's funeral.  I tucked his funeral bulletin in the journal and stuck it deep inside my closet and never wanted to open it or look at it again.  Having completely forgotten this, I stretched up onto my tip-toes and jumped to grab the still vacant journal.

With my heart racing, I started whispering out loud to the Lord.  With my new journal and with my brand new bible, I googled: How to start reading the Bible.  I realized in a way, I was starting over.  I was starting fresh.  He waiting for me while I was hurting and skeptical.

Also, inside the journal, I found a book mark tucked inside addressed to me, " And they remembered that God was their rock. And the Most High God their redeemer" - Psalm 78:35

Dear 4:00 p.m. lunch, we may have been the only people in there but I think that made it even more fun. It's great to be different.

I really love my life.

Dear Surili

Dear Surili, Thank you for your continued patience, fierce loyalty, continued support, sincere enthusiasm, and loving warmth. You are living half way across the world and still make the time to pour out love to me. You are such a remarkable individual and have touched my life in so many ways. Sometimes I start to rethink some of my decisions or debate going back down a path I know is futile and I laugh and refrain because I know that I'd just have to explain myself to you. Thank you for holding me accountable but nonetheless loving me all the same. I am so blessed with our friendship. Hyderabad, India is lucky to have you. I am hoping to have enough money and time to come visit this summer.

letter of the day

Dear Last Night, You were incredible. I laughed so hard that I cried and my stomach muscles started to hurt. Dear morning breakfast of pancakes, you tasted a lot like cake. Luckily, the grapefruit saved the dignity of my feeble attempt to eat healthier breakfasts. Dear freezing cold tennis, you were so much fun. My backhand needs some work and my fingers still feel a little stiff from the cold but 100% worth it. Dear 4:00 p.m. lunch at Aqua Linda, I totally thought you were clean enough. Don't listen to Ava or Jett. Dear Accidentals In Concert, I will be seeing you gentlemen quite soon. I am so excited.

Dear Bright Neon Orange Tennis Skirt, Tomorrow, you are mine. Get ready. We will be having some quality time together. Dear Professional Sales Exam, Prepare to be dominated. Although, I have spent much more time avoiding studying for you than actually studying.

 One of our new friends 

 The Tree that Owns Itself

 Auburn Game with one of my future roomies 

 Alumni Night at the Bookstore 

Mackenzie and Me 

letter of the day

Dear The Fray, I am rapidly falling in love with Scars and Stories. I love hearing the stories behind scar tissue. Dear Chick-Fil-A, BOGO with friends was so great today. Grilled chicken nuggets? You're speaking directly to my little gluten-free heart. Dear Bethany, Thank you for putting up with me while studying and allowing me to interrupt the silence every 10 minutes to share my sporadic thoughts and sentiments. Dear Sunrise, You were delightful this morning and a blessed start to a wonderful day. Dear Amazon Customer Service, My kindle is broken and has lines across the screen. You will be hearing from me tomorrow. Please be kind to me. I get attached to characters in the books I read. I'd like to once again be able to carry them around in my purse.

Harry Potter

These are some facts that J.K.Rowling let slip in numerous interviews. Facts that tell us what all happened nineteen years later… ~ Azkaban no longer uses Dementors as guardians. ~George Weasley married Angelina Johnson and had 2 children named Fred and Roxanne. ~Harry made sure that the Wizarding world knew that Snape was a hero and on Dumbledore’s side. ~Slytherin House became more diluted and was no longer solely pureblood; however its dark reputation lingers. ~Harry lost the ability to speak Parseltongue. ~Umbridge was arrested, interrogated and imprisoned for crimes against Muggleborns. ~The Resurrection Stone is now buried in the Forbidden Forest after being pressed into the ground by a centaur’s hoof. ~ Voldemort’s curse on the DADA position at Hogwarts has been lifted. ~Viktor Krum fell in love with a woman back home in Bulgaria. ~The Death Eater’s Dark Marks eventually faded to look like a scar. It will no longer burn or hurt. ~ The Quibbler is back to publishing articles about the lunatic fringe & is appreciated for its unintentional humour. ~Members of the DA still have their coins, as they are like badges of honor. ~Neville Longbottom worked as an Auror before moving on as the Herbology professor at Hogwarts. ~The remaining Death Eaters were killed or imprisoned in Azkaban for their crimes, with the exception of the Malfoys. ~Luna Lovegood married the grandson of the Newt Scamander, author of ‘Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them’ ~Firenze survived his wounds and was welcomed back into the Centaur herd. ~Harry will never become Headmaster of Hogwarts since an academic career just isn’t him. ~Hagrid was still working at Hogwarts by 2017, at 88 years old. ~Draco Malfoy really cares about his son, Scorpius Malfoy. He is growing him up to be a better person than he was. ~Centaurs realized that “pro-human leanings were not shameful. ~Draco and Harry never became friends, but they did come to understand and appreciate each other better. ~Hermione tells Scrimgeour that she is not planning to embark on a career in Magical Law. Ironically, that’s where she ends up. ~After his death, Voldemort is forced to exist in the stunted infant-like form that Harry sees in the King’s Cross-like Limbo. ~Harry would take his family to visit Dudley’s when they were in the neighbourhood (occasions dreaded by James, Albus and Lily). ~Aberforth is still at the Hog’s Head “playing with his goats”. ~The number of Dementors have been greatly diminished because despair and degradation have been lessened in the world. ~Arthur Weasley fixed Sirius’ motorbike and gave it to Harry. ~Nineteen years after the Battle of Hogwarts, the school for witchcraft and wizardry is led by an entirely new headmaster (“McGonagall was really getting on a bit”) as well as a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. That position is now as safe as the other teaching posts at Hogwarts, since Voldemort’s death broke the jinx that kept a Defense Against the Dark Arts professor from remaining for more than a year. ~Hagrid never married, although he had a relationship with a giantess. ~Kingsley Shacklebolt became the Minister of Magic after the Second Wizarding War. ~Harry will not train to be an animagus; his “energies are going to be concentrated elsewhere and he’s not going to have time to do that. ~Audrey Weasley is wife of Percy Weasley, and they both have 2 daughters, Molly and Lucy. ~In the aftermath of the war, the Order was disbanded once and for all. ~Luna has twin boys named Lorcan and Lysander with Rolf Scamander.and apparently travels the world, looking for mad creatures. ~Hermione advanced the rights of magical creatures & eradicated the old pro-pure-blood laws in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. ~The head of the Auror Office as of 2007 is Harry Potter. ~Lavender Brown was attacked by Fenrir Greyback. Hermione saved her but she was already injured. What happened to her later on was never really told. ~Neville Longbottom’s students were impressed when he showed them his Dumbledore’s Army’s Coin. ~Harry, Ron and Neville didn’t return to Hogwarts for their 7th year. They went straight to get training as aurors and Neville went to work as an auror before becoming a Professor. ~Harry sometimes visits Hogwarts to give talks on DADA. ~Hermione is James’ godmother. ~Hermione Granger was the only member of the trio who returned to Hogwarts to complete their seventh year. ~Ron worked with George in WWW for some time and then became an Auror. ~Ginny became a professional Quidditch player for the Holyhead Harpies and become the senior Quidditch correspondent for the Daily Prophet. ~After the war, Hermione found her parents in Australia and restored their memories.

letter

Dear Marie, Thank you for the best run this afternoon. Dear all perishable items in our fridge, Thanks for you coming all together for a hodgepodge of a meal. Dear nike running shorts, You're the best. I wish I had more of you. Dear Ellis, I am so excited about our upcoming bike ride. Dear laundry, I actually really enjoy folding you.

Wednesday

Dear Daryan, Thank you for being on the receiving end of my lame joke this morning. I am still excited about you coming home and finding that giant red box made up under your covers. Dear Tervis Tumblers, You're expensive but completely worth it. My coffee is still hot. Dear Cowgirl Boots, I don't know what I'd wear on my feet without you. Dear Rachel McAdams, I aspire to be as adorable when I laugh and giggle as you. Dear Cognitive Neuroscience, Thank you for letting me drop one of my exams. #LifeSaver

Something New

Dear Ava, thank you for role playing with me today so I could practice sharing my thoughts. Dear Jittery Joe's coffee you are extremely delicious. Nothing from my coffee maker ever comes close to tasting like you. Dear monogrammed stationary you make me feel so feminine, classy, and full of interesting things to say and share. Dear Tuesday afternoon meetings, thank you for your members and their sweet faces. Dear coconut, I forgive the false advertising for simply cutting off the top and inserting a straw to drink sweet, delicious juice. I did really enjoy sawing you to pieces and then throwing you repeatedly down on the concrete. All stress from today day is completely gone and I managed to salvage about three tablespoons of juice. Dear buy-logy book, you make me so thankful to me a marketing & psychology major. You're absolutely fascinating and inspiring me to study and work harder. 

Dear 30 year Taylor

Now I know that I hardly ever write things on this blog. I mostly just like to post pictures. But today, I'm just to write a little blurb of something so one day when I'm a very old lady and the very concept of internet is outdated and ancient and I say things like, "I do declare!" I might get an urge to scroll through this while praying that my memory of my 22 year old self is not impeded by words written here.

I am thankful and usually giddy about my days. I'm living in Athens, Georgia finishing up my senior year of college at the University of Georgia....in preparation of my 5th year here. Hopefully, I remember how kind and generous my parents were with me when I have children that are just as reluctant to leave their universities.

I have found such joy and purpose here. Here is a blurb for my 30 year old future self.

Dear Taylor,
Remember, many days you did not want to go class and you particularly never wanted to do the reading beforehand. Studying and cramming the night before may have resulted in lower grades but it was so memorable. Some days, it is acceptable to wear yoga pants, sneakers, and a sweatshirt. Not every day day is designed for a skirt and blouse. Watch your words carefully. Once you say something, you can never truly take it back. Tell people how much you care about them. Write them letters. Stand up for them. Never let people doubt your feelings. If they don't believe that you care- you might as well not. Sometimes when you're so overwhelmed just listen to your favorite songs, do head stands, and eat an entire bag of candy. All the sugar will have you laughing in no time at all. Don't be afraid to change and try something do. You have a tendency to forget every couple of years but seriously, if you do what you've always done, you will get what you've always gotten. It's always easier to say I am sorry the same day. The longer you wait- the harder it gets. Set a goal for your day at the beginning of your day. Let your goals move you; not necessarily your emotions. They are frequently not reliable. Go with your gut. Don't let other people tell you what you think. Nothing in life is worth sacrificing your friends and family for. If something takes up so much time that you can no longer properly love that people the Lord placed in your day- give that up. You can only focus on what the Lord places in front of you each day. Be where your feet are. If someone or something is not present it allows you refocus your thoughts and goals. Pay attention. Be willing to let go easily. Trust that you will always have more than you need. It's cliche, but the people that are hardest to love are really the people that need it the most. Time is limited so never be selfish with your time; especially with your family and those in need. Keep your eyes open. Remember to read the bible because it is the living word of God. Books about the bible are not substitutes. If you're married and if you have children, make sure they never doubt that you would do anything for them. Most importantly, remember that Christ died for you. Remember the purpose of your life.

be here then be there

I've been in the same chair all weekend. I'm surrounded by a mess of crumbled up papers, chewed up pens, and empty mugs.

I'm into decaf black coffee nowadays. I'm still aware that it tastes bitter but oddly enough I crave it.

I feel so much freedom sitting here. Just content to enjoy this moment. To just be here. and then go there. and be there.

Just past the circumstance, the first light a second chance

No child could ever dance the way you do oh

Tear down the prison walls, don't stop the curtain calls

Your chains will never fall until you do

'Cus if you never leave home, never let go

You'll never make it to the great unknown

Till you keep your eyes... open my love-NTB

white fences

My heart is numb /The feeling that I get from/The way you shake your voice/And curse this bitter love

And oh, it's cold /Living in a fallen home/We were just kids back then/Too scared to be alone

You leave me in the dark/ Recounting all my sins/ You put words in my mouth/But who is gonna mend/These white fences- needtobreathe

bean boots

Can we just talk about how much I love Sunday afternoons? Now quite frequently Sunday afternoons are a nonstop of series of motion and busyness but every once in a while I'm not teaching perfectly polished classes or working on group projects they are perfect.

I also love Sunday lunch. It's the best. It's so relaxed and I always eat so slow and take comfort in the face the only place I have to be afterwards in at home in my favorite chair or out on the patio.

I slip into sweats and grab my laptop and catch up on everything I'm subscribed to on my google reader and wind up feeling inspired and much more cultured by the time I finish.

Also, right now I'm thinking about how much I love men in Bean Boots and wishing Fall weather could come a little bit sooner.

 I'm looking at the L.L.Bean website right now and trying to decide if I truly need Bean Boots over my Timberland boots. I know that functionality is not a supporting clause in this debate. They are so similar.

I honestly wake up on rainy days and laugh because I know that there will probably be close to a hundred gentlemen running around on North Campus in Bean Boots and I realize that for that alone I can easily endure the frizzy hair and inevitably wet socks and shivering legs. They make men look so distinguished in the rain. Maybe it makes them seem more prepared for adventure and rain. I cannot decipher exacting the root of this attraction but it does make rainy days more enjoyable.

Source: llbeanpr.tumblr.com via Casey on Pinterest

When I like a song I listen to it over and over and over again. 
Sometimes for weeks. I just keep listening. I wait until I feel that I know it inside and out.
I know the next lines. The ones you cannot get enough of always have the most riveting lines in between the lines.  


I made two mixes to give away about a month or so ago but ended up keeping them. I cannot get enough of either one of them. They are songs of change and transition. Transformation. I would have never made that collection for myself. I just wouldn't have but now my favorite. They are mine now. Sometimes I just keep driving around and circle back around just to get a few more minutes in the car. 


My heart has been so volatile today. It's like I'm looking at my life and myself through the eyes of someone else. It's an eerie feeling to watch and feel yourself move on and away from parts of yourself. Your former self.  Perhaps I just always have far too much free time on my hands that enables me to sit around and think about such things. 


The third week of my senior year of undergrad is over. It's been incredible. Filled with joy and just a certain calmness matched with a certain sense of nostalgia.


im not finished with this post 

the sound of sunshine

packing my bags. cannot stop listening to this song. This beginning is a little repetitive but I particularly love the ending.

4th of July- Sunflower Festival

whimsy playful creative

Maybe it was the tall glass of iced coffee and coconut milk but my day was just full of giddiness and excitement.

I've been daydreaming about my future career as well as future travels and adventures.

Btw, How in the world did I know not that J.Crew has an (un)official blog? It's incredible.

Fairly certain I may be traveling to Birmingham, Alabama to see someone special (hope you're reading- you know who you are!) I plan on "touring" the city and thinking about if I'd like to look for jobs there.

Today, I was thinking about trying to get into medical equipment sales in South America. The idea that someone would pay me to travel around and have fun with others while also striving to improve their quality of healthcare is just ridiculous.

This evening I had the best run of my entire life. I've heard about this "runner's high" but never believed it was really possible. It sounded like a bunch of nonsense. I just didn't think my body would ever rejoice in being forced to run. Every time I'd start to walk and think about heading back towards my house I'd just keep on keeping on and just kept going. It was exhilarating in the most liberating way.

whale

The Whale… If you read a recent front page story of the San Francisco Chronicle, you would have read about a female humpback whale who had become entangled in a spider web of crab traps and lines. She was weighted down by hundreds of pounds of traps that caused her to struggle to stay afloat. She also had hundreds of yards of line rope wrapped around her body, her tail, her torso, a line tugging in her mouth. A fisherman spotted her just east of the Farallon Islands (outside the Golden Gate) and radioed an environmental group for help. Within a few hours, the rescue team arrived and determined that she was so bad off, the only way to save her was to dive in and untangle her. They worked for hours with curved knives and eventually freed her. When she was free, the divers say she swam in what seemed like joyous circles. She then came back to each and every diver, one at a time, and nudged them, pushed them gently around as she was thanking them. Some said it was the most incredibly beautiful experience of their lives. The guy who cut the rope out of her mouth said her eyes were following him the whole time, and he will never be the same.

Source: None via Taylor on Pinterest