Psalm 34:18

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those are crushed in spirit- Psalm 34:18 

Maybe there is something beautiful about feeling broken. Maybe it's the only way I feel defeated enough to lay down my pride, my weapons, my desires, and my stubbornness to seek Him. I have had such a difficult time spending time with my Lord lately. My relationship with Him does not differ much from my earthly relationships in the way that I run. I do not understand His mercy. I do not understand His grace.

I pray that he'll lead me home back to Him somehow. I pray that He'll never leave me nor abandon me. 

God, I'm asking you to fight for me. To fight hard for me. You are all that I want. I just don't know how to get there. I do not know how to pursue a relationship with you. I grow weary, restless, and full of doubt. I know that it won't be a quick fix. I am so broken. My spirit is crushed and I accept that this may be Your way to speaking to me. Every time I'm reminded and the hurt comes rushing in, I feel that you're there. 

Please stay there.