Every Spring it rains on the last Saturday in March. It's rained for as long as I can remember. Maybe once or twice in the past 12 years the rain skipped over Athens.
If you ask me my favorite spot on campus I'd tell you it's the coliseum. But it has absolutely nothing to do with UGA, gymnastics, or basketball. Every year since 5th grade I've spent the year learning new dances, new people, new ways to write a thank you letter, how to properly conduct myself in all social settings ( But the truly polished behave the same way all the time...that includes using a fork, knife, and napkin for even the home alone meals) and essentially how to grow one year older.
I hardly ever drive by the coliseum but the moment I do the nostalgia sets in. I flashback through the years, the 5th grade girl that could hardly wait, the sixth grader that accidently ended up with the exact same dress was one of her friends, the 7th grader that felt more elegant and poised, the 8th grader that couldn't care less about being elegant and couldn't care more about her first boyfriend that she met in Cotillion Club, 9th grade, 10th grade, 11th grade, 12th grade and onward through the first three years of college.
Each year stands out like a snapshot of who I was and how much I grew each year. With each new dress I had a new philosophy on life. I love how during childhood you never stop dreaming. You can wake up in the morning and decide you want to be someone new and no one is there to stop you. You have the rest of your life ahead of you and the world is literally yours. I never want to loose that ideology.
Tonight was also hard. Past 7th grade I never wanted my dad to come. I never wanted to do the father-daughter dance with him. He failed to live up to my expectations and for that I wanted to punish him. I did want him to be part of my life. Every year though I'd still walk out on the dance floor and search the crowd. I'd be torn between not wanting him there and still wanting him to come regardless just because he loved me..
I don't know how to wrap this blog post up and I'll probably delete it later anyways. But tonight was one of those moments when it really hit. He really is gone.
don't delete this post. because i read it. and i feel you.
ReplyDeletein more ways than one. so don't delete it.
and the whole world is ahead of us. what a great feeling even on tough days when it seems like we've also left so much behind.
we are at a weird, weird place. and i'm just advocating that its perfectly okay. its college. and if it all made sense and if we had it perfect or all figured out, we wouldn't be human. and everything would just get messed up anyways. love you.